Bilawal Zardari bemoans Indian media’s paparazzi culture

Bilawal Zardari who is in India on a private visit, has tweeted complaining that the country’s entire media fraternity had succumbed to the paparazzi culture. Bilawal was taken aback by the intense media scrutiny of his family’s pilgrimage. The Indian media bombarded the viewers with non-stop special coverage of the visit fueling hopes that the 60 year hostility between the two nuclear rivals will be settled through small talk with pilgrims over lunch.

As the media split hairs on the details of the private visit, the viewers tore their hair apart. The pilgrims are also said to have made page 3 party goers jealous with the amount of gratuitous coverage they received. The page 3ers vowed to visit assorted pilgrimage destinations at the earliest.

The Indian foreign ministry has also become a paparazzi accomplice as it revealed details of the luncheon menu, leaked photos of the luncheon hall and tweeted about the embroidered detailing of the sofa on which Bilwal was to be seated. The heir apparent was apparently deeply embarrassed by these revelations.

“Man, which country hosts a meal for a 24 year old and has no beer? Worse still they shared the beer-lacking menu with the whole world. Its also on Faceboook. What would my fun loving friends at Oxford make of this? ”, the disappointed Bilawal is said to have told his inner circle. Indian officials at South block have countered this, saying that the menu was decided jointly after months of back channel talks as well as many confidence and stomach building measures.  The issue of the most favoured beverage was close to intractable the officials said, as the food tasters of the neighbouring country were religious zealots keen on sabotaging any alcohol-based ties between the two countries.

As the puppet leaders of the two countries addressed the media, the prince was turned into a prop. Bilwal hung around in the background, ostensibly inviting the Indian paparazzi to capture his handsome, youthful profile as he blinked incessantly like a dimwit. Bilwal, who’s barely out of school, alternated between attention and stand-at -ease positions as the two leaders spoke, not quite knowing what to do.

As the powers behind the thrown skipped the meeting, the luncheon was reduced to wazirs, babus and princes. Bilawal is said to have been genuinely perplexed as to why the Indian media sought tit-bits from this meeting of besieged puppets who could barely survive in their respective countries, let alone radically change the Indo-Pak equation.

Contrary to media expectations, the crown prince-on-crown prince talks at the luncheon between Rahul and Bilawal lacked bonhomie. While their advisors bickered over which prince could claim the mantle of the youth icon of South Asia, the two princes fought for the title of South Asia’s most desirable bachelors.  Simi Garewal was unavailable for arbitration between the two countries.

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